there's a schism in the time mechanism :.

life is sucky lately. i feel like, not myself these days. i am constantly losing myself, trying to find myself, then losing myself again. lately, i feel possessed or maybe NOT possessed. I feel like there is nobody inhabiting my body. or that someone crazy is boring my self out of my mind.
so we're AREN't moving into stacey's old place. Kean realty has to be the worst company. and this woman is putting me through this ridiculous rigmarole to get my money back. It's been almost two weeks and the woman can't give me a straight answer! She just keeps dragging it out, have stacey call me, do this, do that.
I completely lost it in the car. I can't wait until I don't work here anymore. I can feel myself become more and more of an automaton. A molded and stamped ant in the corporate labyrinth. I can't see how people can stay at places like this for years and years to come.
I have no motivation to work for a living. I do not think it should be so, either. Why is life just time spent doing work for money to live life in the few hours allotted for actual life? I am not one of those people who can make my life all about working at some place. Or maybe I could do it, I just haven't found the right environment. I just know now that I need to work for myself and use the discipline I have for going to bed early, waking up early, dressing up, and commuting here and back, and apply it to my own business or schedule.

I totally freaked out yesterday. I had an anxiety attack in the car and came home sobbing. Isaac has been depressed and snippy lately and he seemed surprised and, as usual, at a loss for words. He did get me snickers with almonds, ordered dinner and got me root beer. Those things are bound to make me feel better.

Things to look forward to:
Richmond
Photoshoot
Last day @ Vanguard

People who need their eyes gauged out:
Shirley from kean
J-Bo